06/27/25
The subtitle of Iona Winter’s new book A Counter of Moons speaks volumes. Like so many New Zealanders (and others around the world), every day she lives with the unimaginable – the loss of her child to suicide.
The acclaimed, beloved, young musician Reuben Winter took his life in 2020, during the Covid epidemic.
As Iona began navigating how to co-exist with the love and pain of losing Reuben, she found few personal stories from others who’d faced this unique kind of bereavement – yet research shows that people bereaved by suicide may have especially complicated feelings and may experience extra struggles while trying to cope with the loss.
“Many suffer silently after the suicide of a loved one,” writes Iona. “I was unable to be silent, because too many of our whānau have taken their lives, and the deep grief that accompanies this is everlasting.”
The poet, essayist, storyteller and editor dedicated herself to researching and learning more about grief.
And, she wrote her poetry collection about navigating the loss of her son,
In the shape of his hand lay a river (Elixir & Star Press).
In A Counter of Moons, developed with support from a CLNZ/NZSA Writers’ Award, she aims to break the barriers and isolation around the tragedy of suicide bereavement by sharing her initial grief experiences, asking how can we deal with grief in healthier ways. In this powerful, candid and intimate resource, each chapter of explores a complex mix of emotions, reflecting upon widespread ideas about how to deal with grief.
Aotearoa New Zealand has the highest suicide rate for children out of the thirty-six OECD and EU countries – almost three times higher than the average – according to the latest UNICEF Innocenti Report Card 19: Fragile Gains – Child Wellbeing at Risk in an Unpredictable World which ranked Aotearoa last place for child and youth mental health. Iona addresses statistics in her book – she is cautious about their accuracy, since delays in coroner’s reports mean the deaths are not necessarily recorded in the actual year of suicide.
Iona was well acquainted with trauma, grief and intense emotions – she worked in mental health for several decades – but when she lost her son, analysing what happened felt wrong. She writes: “Grief is raw and timeless. It has no tidy ending. This is not a story about overcoming adversity, my aim is to give words to an experience that’s often wordless or silenced.”
With the NZ Ministry of Health’s recently released five-year Suicide Prevention Action Plan identifying that suicide bereavement support services need to improve in many ways, Iona’s A Counter of Moons is more relevant than ever, starting conversations and speaking openly without shame.
This is a book that aims to bring solace and understanding to those who are walking the complicated path of suicide loss, those who want to support someone facing this – and those who work with them.
Order your copy here.
You can read more about Iona’s work, including her ground-breaking A liminal gathering: Elixir & Star Grief Almanac which brings together the words, sounds and images of grief from over one hundred New Zealand artists here.